Friday, June 25, 2010

Can you slow it down, please?


Annie is 4 1/2 years old.  I just don't know how that happened.  Didn't I just bring her home from the hospital last year?  I need for time to slow down!

We found out we were having a girl pretty early in the pregnancy.  Everything was going great until I hit 23 weeks.  I went in for a normal ultra sound and my life was quickly changed.  For some reason, Annie had already "dropped" and I was 3 centimeters dilated.  As you all know, 23 week babies are not given a good chance of survival.  I was in complete shock.  I was sent over to the hospital to wait for what would be my new perinatologist to visit.  With two steroid shots for her lungs and a very strict bed rest to be enforced by my family, I was allowed to go home.  While I was there, I began preparing myself for the "what if's" that I was facing.  How on earth would I be able to keep this baby inside me for 17 more weeks?  How would I take care of my Max?  What if she didn't live? 
We started making "mini-goals."  First goal was to get me to 26 weeks.  Then it was to get to 28.  Then, 30 and so on.  The days went by very slowly.  I spent most of my days watching the Food Network.  This was actually cruel and unusual punishment for a woman that could not get up and cook AND who happened to have gestational diabetes.  I went to the doctor (or my amazing midwife) once or twice a week.  It is awfully sad that I looked forward to the days when I could get out of the house (to get poked and prodded).  I had many high level ultra sounds.  With each week that passed, my heart began to beat again.  I was in and out of the hospital (in labor) 5 times before Annie entered this world.  Amazingly enough, I made it to 32 weeks and 5 days.  It was a scary delivery.  I had a placenta abruption.  No epidural.  LOTS of pain that I swore I would NEVER go through again. And she wasn't breathing when she arrived. 
The NICU is a sad place.  Even though many, many babies are there for a short time and go home to live normal, happy lives, it is just sad.  No one wants to see their sweet baby with IV's, feeding tubes, and vents to help them breathe. 
*On a side note, those doctors and nurses are a true gift from God.  What a hard job they have!  They not only take care of babies as small as 1 pound 2 ounces (this was the baby next to Annie), but they take care of the emotional (nutso) mothers.  They are better than I am.*

Finally, after 16 LONG days in the NICU, I brought my platinum blonde Annie home. 

She was so tiny (4 pounds, 8 ounces).  I would look at her in her MASSIVE crib and wonder how they let me bring home something so tiny and fragile.  How could they trust me to take care of her?   Had they met me?  I was seriously unstable at the time...drop of hormones and shingles will do that to you. 

Annie means the world to us.  I wish I could keep her "little" forever.


  1. Wow Lorri.. I cannot imagine. She is precious.. then and now!!

  2. Such a hard pregnancy, but such a wonderful ending. Thanks for sharing, Lorri.


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